28 Weeks Later: a review

Because it's October, we're going to be reviewing some "horror" films. I hadn't seen this movie and was pretty reluctant in doing so. And I'll tell you why.

Although Danny Boyle produced, did some camera shooting, and had some creative control; although Alex Garland was a producer; although the movie had fantastic versions of the theme by John Murphy from the film's prequel; although the film had the same editor; although it had the talent of Robert Carlyle and Rose Byrne; it fell short.

There are two types of good horror films. Either they are, (a) superbly crafted; bridging a gap between mundane reality and possibility of the supernatural. Or (b) they are horrible, entertaining and laughable pieces of crap. There are no hybrids. No exceptions.

28 Weeks Later was a hybrid. With the rough expectations of holding up to its predecessor, it fell short in several categories.

The first 10 minutes were brilliant cinema. Great effects, editing, acting, camera work, and music. When the film went to London, it lost all the qualities that the first film had successfully set up. It became Land of the Dead! A movie made two years prior to 28 Weeks Later's release.

28 Days Later was successful because it snatched relateable characters from the norms of society and put them in the "state of nature." Anarchy. I can't think of a more terrifying experience than total chaos...with zombies...with the total absence of government and collapse of society. That is good cinema. Along the lines of the (a) category. 28 Weeks Later started off with with what 28 Days built, and descended...miserably. One of the most ridiculous scenes in the film was when Jeremy Renner (the soldier) was completely engulfed in flames via flamethrower while saving Rose Burne and the bastard children.

The film gets a whopping 2 stars out of 5.

Big Dumb Republicans Finally Tape Big Dumb Mouths

Republicans lined the nation's capital today in what was thought to be a protest against abortion.

Gil was fortunate enough to interview one of these individuals, Gary Giggs.

"This isn't just any dumb baby protest. We want big dumb Palin to shut her big dumb yap."

Gil offered to supply the tape for the next rally.

David Lynch Launches New iPhone Campaign

Apple phoned David a while ago and asked him to do an ad for their new iPhone. David agreed under the conditions that he had complete and total creative and marketing control.

After 1 Year and 1 Month Hiatus, Mass Review Staff Back and Feeling Good About Future Prospects!

Well,

It's been a year, and we've been through a lot. Gil lost his arms and legs in a grain elevator accident. Brass joined the fight in Iraq, as an unemployed mercenary bystander. Brass would sit on street corners and wait for either side to throw down, then he'd pick a side and join in the action. He's a lot tougher now. Philip wrote seven novels that used the exact same story lines as the Harry Potter series with the exact same characters, only using different names.

But...

We're back to what we do best.

And just in time for the election.

Man Designs Giant Sun-Dial, Still Searching For God

Local acrobat and comedian, Gene Schaeffer, announced to the government officials of Iran today that he has just finished the design process for his electric sun-dial. According to Gene, the design took him about 15 minutes. According to Iran officials, they really don't care. Gene plans to begin pre-production on the dials by the end of the month. The dials are said to run on electric energy, depleting the need for the sun. When asked why these were necessary all Gene had to say was, "Well I tried to make my son one for his 26th birthday using the sun's power, but I could never get it positioned right. So when he died in an electrical fire the following winter I finally got the idea! There was just this bright light, it was so beautiful!"

Well.. not much more to say on this one.

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Wow.

Jim Jarmusch's Next Movie in Pre-Production, Promises Fans More Boring Than the Last

This week, the MR staff found out that Jim Jarmusch's new film project was in production.

We yawned in excitement.

I mean, how could he create a movie better than blockbuster, non-stop, jerry bruckheimer-esque, action-packed, thrillers such as Broken Flowers, Ghost Dog, the violent and unnerving, Coffee and Cigarettes, and a thrilling roller coaster ride of a movie called Down By Law. It can't be done.

Jarmusch still promises absolute boredom to his hardcore fan base.

Melanie Von Carbridge, a Berkley Film Student told MR that, "You can't top his movies. Yes, people say they are boring. But just look how they're filmed. Regular movie-goers just can't appreciate what Jarmusch has to offer. His films are above everyone else's. You really have to be in the industry to understand what I'm getting at. What I'm getting at is that his films challenge the status quo of AMC and Regal, of Spielberg and Cronenberg, of Guttenberg and Goldberg. He's not Hollywood. Jim Jarmusch simply...is."

After the interview, we took turns at killing ourselves.