Jim Jarmusch's Next Movie in Pre-Production, Promises Fans More Boring Than the Last

This week, the MR staff found out that Jim Jarmusch's new film project was in production.

We yawned in excitement.

I mean, how could he create a movie better than blockbuster, non-stop, jerry bruckheimer-esque, action-packed, thrillers such as Broken Flowers, Ghost Dog, the violent and unnerving, Coffee and Cigarettes, and a thrilling roller coaster ride of a movie called Down By Law. It can't be done.

Jarmusch still promises absolute boredom to his hardcore fan base.

Melanie Von Carbridge, a Berkley Film Student told MR that, "You can't top his movies. Yes, people say they are boring. But just look how they're filmed. Regular movie-goers just can't appreciate what Jarmusch has to offer. His films are above everyone else's. You really have to be in the industry to understand what I'm getting at. What I'm getting at is that his films challenge the status quo of AMC and Regal, of Spielberg and Cronenberg, of Guttenberg and Goldberg. He's not Hollywood. Jim Jarmusch simply...is."

After the interview, we took turns at killing ourselves.

Farmer Hates Farm, Hates Life

Brandon McHennesey thought moving from New York to Iowa would gain him three things. A change at his repetitive life, a cutting-edge, robust, sex life, and a farm that would bring him happiness.

Little did Brandon know, he was heading for depression.

Also, little did Brandon know, farming is 10x more repetitive than any job he had ever maintained in New York.

"I do the same goddam thing every day! I don't understand it. This was supposed to be fun for me." Brandon shrugs, hates himself.

"N-Now," he stutters, "all I do is work, my wife is having an affair with other farmers, and I don't feel the least bit happy."

Farming is indeed a tough business. But you have to have the cajones for it Brandon.

When the staff at MR retires, I believe we'll try our hand at farming. Probably a kitten farm and puppy mill.

Local Consumers Tired of Being "Jerked Around"

"I'm tired of being jerked and kicked around by the gaming industry," cries Johnathon Sandyclam. "I've been waiting for the perfect...I mean perfect time to by a PS3, and looks like I missed out on my opportunity again!"

John is obviously referring to the recent price decrease of the PS3's 60 gb $499 bundle. Which is flying off of the shelves. Because of the new price drop, it will be awhile before anyone can get their hands on one and speculation of price increases for the same bundle are floating about. Sorry Mr. Sandyclam...you lose.